Shattering
by Bitway
Summary: His mind goes back to Akane. He thinks about seeing her, speaking to her. School could be put aside for today. He wanted to see her. And maybe, she'd speak with him today. {Ares fic, based on a scene in ep. 15}


"I'm sorry, Akane. I lost to those who did this to you."

 _'I'm sorry.'_

 _'I'm sorry.'_

 _'I'm so damn sorry.'_

Apologies were the only thing running through his mind. Words that meant almost nothing when spoken. He had messed up. He had lost to that team, to those _monsters_ that had cursed her.

 _(But had they really?)_

Those words that _asshole_ left him with made his head spin, made him _think_. It was untrue, it had to be. Who else could have done this to her? Akane had been taken from him to go be apart of the Ares program and when she had returned, she was a broken person. A lifeless soul.

There was no way in hell he could even be remotely right. It's not as if he knew what happened to her. Haizaki tried to block out what Nosaka had said. He wasn't right. He would never be right. He was just toying with him, playing with his mind. Wanted to rub in more dumb shit along with the fact he had won. That's all.

Losting to him- to _them_ left such a bitter taste in his mouth. It left a fire burning in his stomach, ashes from the flames creeping onto his tongue. But that fire was beginning to burn out.

Haizaki had done everything, trained so hard, given up his time for this sport, became a demon, all to fight against them. To fulfill a one-sided promise. To save her. The hopes he had at getting her back were slim now. If he couldn't save her, no one else could. She would be lost forever.

And the Ares program would be to blame, as it always had been.

His tongue clicks, fists clench, nails dig into his palms. Haizaki couldn't look at her, he hadn't since he entered her room. There was no usual greeting, only silence. No gift either. His body had been dragged in, still sore from the beating he had taken earlier.

There was no need to explain his pathetic state. An apology would speak more words for him.

"I failed you. I did everything and I still…"

 _'Lost.'_

He holds his breath, eyes staring down at his clenched fists resting on his lap. He's nearly expecting blood to draw out with how hard his nails are pressing against skin. It wouldn't do anything, it wouldn't be like a sacrifice to make up for what he'd done. He'd say he deserved the pain, but he could hardly feel it. Things were just feeling…numb.

His mind was feeling hazy.

His body was sore.

His heart was falling into despair.

His will was diminishing with every passing second.

What was there left to feel?

A hand.

Not his own, but hers. She had reached out, a soft hand gently brushing against the back of his as she gripped onto the sleeve of his jacket. It was a small hold, fingers barely catching the fabric in between them. If he even dared to move, his jacked would easily slip out of her hold.

Nevertheless, it causes his head to shoot up, eyes going wide in shock. He feels breathless, voiceless. He stares into those deep green eyes, waiting for something…something more. Recognition. Pity. Life.

"Akane…?"

 _'Are you okay?'_

 _'Are you back?'_

 _'Are you…'_

 _'Have you…'_

 _'Did the Ares program really do this to you?'_

His mouth goes dry as the last thought clouds his mind. His stare becomes unfocused. The room falls into a strange silence, one he wasn't accustomed to. He didn't know what to do, how to feel. Hope had sparked in his chest, lighting that fire once more, but this all seemed too good to be true.

The flames must be a darker color now. Or just a feeble flicker.

"Ryouhei…"

 _'Her voice…'_

Was it really her voice? It sounded like hers, from back when they were kids. It had changed though, obviously. It was softer, quiet. It didn't strain her to speak. She still lacked the energy she used to have, the excitement to. But that voice- it was hers. And god how he had been waiting to hear that for so long.

"You did your best."

 _'Did I really?'_

 _'I still lost.'_

 _'I didn't save you.'_

The smallest of smiles creeps up on her face, her gaze even seems to soften. It made his chest feel heavy, a strong ache shoot through his heart. He didn't deserve the kindness that was coming from her. She was praising him for his failures- with her voice and actions.

She was moving.

She was talking.

She was okay.

She wasn't this mindless doll any longer.

 _(Was that bastard really right then?)_

Something warm passes down his cheeks. His vision is blurry and he has to blink hard. He's not crying. He's not tearing up. He doesn't know these foreign emotions. If he hadn't cried over her before- why now? He doesn't bother to try and wipe away these falling tears. He holds his breath, shakes his head.

But the look in her eyes change, the smile fades. Her look is reverting back to that empty one. He didn't want to see it. Didn't want to loose what he had just saw. He's silent and watches as Akane slowly extends her free hand towards him. He shuts his eyes.

"Ryouhei…"

 _'Akane…'_

"Thank you."

When his eyes open, Akane is gone. The hospital is gone. He's met with a familiar ceiling, one he wakes up to every day. A hand is slammed over his chest, gripping at the blankets, the shirt that was in the way of his beating heart. Just like that, he had been whisked away from her.

 _'It was only a dream.'_

 _'I should have known.'_

He stays on his futon, unmoving, only breathing and staring at the blank ceiling. After a few seconds, he raises a hand, runs it through his messier than usual hair and lets out a breath he'd been holding.

His mind tries to put together how much of that had been real and how much of that had been dream. How much his mind (and heart) was tormenting his soul over seeing her yesterday. Haizaki had gone to see her after the match, he was certain of that. She had reached out to him and…had she spoken to him? He would have remembered if she did.

 _'But her voice.'_

 _'I couldn't have imagined that.'_

His dream had felt so real, he could easily mistaken it for reality. And with a now unclear world, maybe it had been.

His eyes shut and, he thinks, maybe if he opens them again, he'll see her.

He doesn't.

Something catches the corner of his eye, causing his head to turn. His gaze lands on that stuffed bear sitting on the ground beside his bed. It was the closest thing he had to her these days. But, he couldn't recall placing it there last night. Usually it sat on his desk.

He doesn't bother thinking about how it got there.

He doesn't bother to move it.

He doesn't bother to get out of bed.

Maybe he shouldn't even bother playing soccer anymore now to. There was no point in playing it. He doubts that he could play in a reality like this.

All he wanted to do now, was rest. To sleep off the soreness of his body. To get rid of the 'what ifs' floating in his mind. To just dissolve into nothing while lying here and waiting as that cursed team moved onward.

 _(But what did that team matter to him anymore?)_

His mind goes back to Akane. He thinks about seeing her, speaking to her. School could be put aside for today. He wanted to see her.

And maybe, she'd speak with him today.


End file.
